Space to Doubt: rethinking faith for a reimagined church
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I can’t hide it.
I have always been a ‘Charlie Church.’
One who attended church with rigour and religiosity. I participated. I believed. I professed.
I showed up on time (ish).
I did my part.
And loved it.
But under all my churching was a whole lot of churn.
A ‘Charlie Churn n’ Church.’
Questions around existence, belief, relevance, purpose - have been a constant. Does it matter? Who are we? Is this real? Who am I praying to? Are you there God? How do I know? What if there is nothing? Can I really trust the scriptures? Why is the church so flawed? Who am I? Who are you?
The churn hasn’t always been fun - or enjoyable. Rockin’ the churn of doubt is destabilizing. Scary. Unsettling. And it wasn’t until recently - like four days ago recently - I hadn’t acknowledged that the churn was as an on-purpose value. A value I worked to preserve!
I made this discovery as I was trying to write the mission and vision statement for a business I am trying to get off the ground. I was stuck. I had all the faith-talk scribbled down. But I couldn’t articulate what reimagine.church was truly about. The guts and bones of my objective. This was terrifying and concerning. Worse. I couldn’t seem to articulate what I was all about - personally - who I wanted to become - as a leader and a human being! And then I remembered the semicolon.
“The semicolon: a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.” (see dictionary)
Two ideas bound in binary tension. Two concepts held together by their equal weight and admiration of one another. Separate; but similar.
The Bert and Ernie of sentences.
The Alpha Centauri of the grammatical universe!
My equation was out of balance. One-half of the ingredients was missing.
Doubt.
Yes - the missing ingredient was doubt! How can one have faith without doubt?!
Faith without doubt is certitude.
Doubt makes space for faith.
Faith is the loop-back response to doubt.
Doubt is a prerequisite for faith.
Jesus never called us to believe in him with exact certitude or certainty. Jesus calls us to a life of faith: “You believe because you’ve seen with your own eyes. Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing.” (John 20) But for some reason the church doesn’t like doubt. Doubt gets barely a minute from the stage. Doubt is ignored within the halls of the institution, seen as an existential threat to Church Inc. Doubt is neglected. ‘A bad influence!’ ‘Stay home, Doubt! You can’t come to the party. You’re kind of a downer and your music is broody and sad.’
Without a doubt - without doubt - faith becomes reductionist. Boiled-down-bare and flavourless. A series of tropes, taken-for-granted rituals, routine, and empty traditions. Mystery removed. Our stories lose their power. The impossible becomes obvious. Our purpose becomes sharp and pointed. Polarized. Partisan. ‘Here is the line. Do not doubt. You are in or you are out.’
Without doubt.
While we may wish it to be so - faith is not fact.
The churn is necessary. Doubt is necessary. Unavoidable in a life of faith. Have you ever doubted?
What if I am wrong?
What if I have erred?
What if there are mistakes?
What if I never make it?
What if I never gain control?
What if there is no God?
Will I ever truly know?
Will I still believe?
Love?
Hope?
Have faith?
Follow?
Do you have space to doubt?
Just a quick thought.